a big slice of cake

A tentative re-start?

2011-11-30T20:36:00.000+08:00

Hello!
It has been a long time...over two years in fact. Emigrating is a major, major head and heart messer. I am finally feeling that I am coming out of a big fog and actually living a life again. So off I go with the blog again.
Same rules as before - it's primarily for me to organise my thoughts and feelings and to make me a bit more accountable. No-one wants to read about how I watched telly, surfed the net and ate chocolate day after day, not even me, so it should motivate me to notice how I use my time. It's also a way for family to read about incidental events that happen and to see lots of photos.
I'll aim for at least one a week but I refuse to feel guilty if I fail.

So...to start here are a few photos from the summer:

Summer breakfast

fun in the hot-tub

Mum has fun with a kangaroo

Charlie makes a friend

All dressed up for a wedding

My gorgeous daughter and gorgeous mum

Bill the Alpaca smiles for the camera

Until next time....

We apologise for the delay......

2009-06-03T16:15:00.002+08:00

Enjoying sunny weather in Crete while visiting my mum. What a strange 2 weeks it has been! Our entire house has been packed up and is, at present, sitting in Southampton docks ready to be shipped to Australia. We've stayed with friends for nights here and there and have been showered with love and care which has been both delightful and humbling. And now am enjoying some time with mum. On Friday we go back to the UK for the last of the goodbyes (not looking forward to that bit...) and then fly out to Oz on 12th June.

Head is a bit all over the place to be honest. Have done a tiny bit of sketching in my journal but not painted yet. I shall be glad to be fixed in one place for a while when I can catch up on blogging and EDMs

Many thanks to all who commented on my 'staff photo' gift - much appreciated.

Goodbye gift!

2009-05-17T16:33:00.000+08:00

This is the goodbye picture I drew for the staff at school. My 'inner critic' has been going crazy and I'm doubting whether they'll like it or see it in the spirit in which it is intended (which is a spirit of much affection) but my husband insists that it's great and they'll love it and (since he is rarely wrong apparently!) I will go with it and take it in tomorrow.

All of these glorious people keep the school going and are a great team to work with. I am very sad to say goodbye to them all!

Warning - angry rant approaching!

2009-05-12T03:35:00.003+08:00

What's happening to our schools?

This week my daughter will spend hours sitting tests in Maths (2 tests plus mental), English (Reading, Writing x2, Spelling) and Science (x2). Of course I understand the need to assess children's learning and assess the quality of teaching but she has been preparing for these tests for weeks and weeks. She has had mountains of homework and practice tests galore. She has been stressed about them because her teachers (all of whom are my friends and who I really like and respect) have not stopped talking about them for months. She is only a little girl! Surely school at this age should be about the enjoyment and excitement of learning. Surely there are better ways of judging the success of a school or of a child's progress than simply going by these tests!

I'm glad I'm not full time teaching anymore. The amount of work at our school would be a very funny joke if it were not a reality. Every day a new bit of paper is given to the staff with more to do in preparation for the OFSTED inspection. More and more and more paperwork, meetings, lists, reports, surveys, forms, check this and that is done. Most time is spent teaching but I would say the least time is spent preparing to teach which surely should be a priority. Ohhh I could go on and on but I won't. I'm cross because a very good friend and a superb, committed, experienced teacher is finding that school is asking way too much at the moment and needs to take some time out.

Ok that's my mini rant over! If you have children at school, give their teacher a nice smile next time you see them!

Just keep practising!

2009-05-09T16:26:00.001+08:00

This is my second challenge from Different Strokes from Different Folks. I tried to work on the tonal quality of the buildings receding into the distance. I thought I'd failed miserably but now I look at the scanned image, I can see that I have managed to get the buildings to look like they're going into the distance. They really are a challenge these DSDF pictures.

I did this EDM picture with my new watercolour pencils. I like the way I seem to have more control over them - I'll enjoy experimenting with these.

More from the journal

2009-05-04T01:58:00.001+08:00

This is EDM No. 97 - a gift I have received. I chose the ring my mum sent me from Crete. With hindsight I wish I drawn it on my finger but ho hum!

Have you noticed I've learnt how to use the scanner - much better for my journal pages.

An Unexpected Party

2009-05-02T01:35:00.004+08:00

You remember it was my 40th birthday last week? Well I was a bit retiscent about planning a party as I have a bit of a phobia about planning my own parties. (I panic that no-one will come!) Anyway, we decided last minute that we'd invite people over for one of Neil's curries (note the lack of the word 'party'). So miraculously everyone who I wanted to come, could come (about 17 of us) and it was a brilliant night.

We played a couple of silly games, my daughter and her friend made up a super quiz (which me and my friend won!) and the highlight of the night was that we all sang a line of a song and recorded a rendition of "Can't take my eyes off of you". We ate the famous curry with all the extra bits, lots of pudding and then played curling on the Wii. What a night. Lots of laughter and love and hugs. I shall remember it forever.

The best friends in the world!

Everyday Matters

2009-05-02T01:15:00.005+08:00

In my efforts to focus my mind on things other than work and 'the big move' I have joined an online group called Everyday Matters. Every week they post a subject to draw. You can do them in order or not. You can do the most recent ones (like I have) or go back over old ones which I have done in my journal without realising it.

I am beginning to really value the online community. There are some extraordinary people out there - artists, crafts people, writers and all round talented folk. I find them truly inspiring and my experience so far has found everyone to be kind and encouraging. I posted some of my journal pictures on Flickr and had some very nice comments - it really warms my heart to think that someone I don't know takes the time to comment on my efforts.

So what with Everyday Matters and Different Strokes from Different Folks I have no shortage of arty inspiration.

Different Strokes from Different Folks

2009-04-24T04:18:00.003+08:00

This is my first go at the challenge posted on this site. Every couple of week a new photo is posted and artists of all experience and ability (although to me they all look amazing) have a go at interpreting it. You can see the original photo and other interpretations here.

I think it was a hard one to do as my first challenge with but I am quite pleased with the result.

I am 40

2009-04-23T00:13:00.005+08:00

I made it. My life has now begun apparently.

Best comment of the day - "40! I thought you'd be about 30" said by a child I teach. I immediately gave him housepoints for being so observant!

Best gifts - all the love and well wishes from friends and family. And....a trip to go and see mum in Crete!

Made cakes for the staff room - they went down well.

And look what my lovely family did for me this morning....

I am so blessed.

Still creating

2009-04-21T22:45:00.004+08:00

A few recent pages from my journal. I am joining the Everyday Matters group which I hope will inspire my journal entries, encourage me to challenge myself and stop me worrying about 'getting it right'.

Last day of my 30s!

2009-04-21T22:20:00.006+08:00

Today I am 39. Tomorrow I will be 40. 40! I never thought I'd be 40. I'm quite pleased actually.

Tomorrow I will be grown up.

I will be confident.

I will be able to speak to strangers on the phone and not feel inferior.

I will be able to 'do' my hair.

I will be able to walk in high heels and wear the correct clothes for the occasion.

I will carry a handbag that matches my shoes.

I will know what to do with a chiffon scarf.

I will remember to send birthday cards and not leave them 'on the side'.

I will not panic about parking the car.

I will no longer lick out the cake mix bowl but leave it for my children.

I will not laugh when my husband farts.

I will not find toilet humour funny.

.......will I heck as like! But I am hoping and expecting that 'Life Begins..' How exciting!

An Easter break

2009-04-16T00:47:00.005+08:00

We went away with Auntie Wen and Uncle Al for Easter. We stayed in a chalet by the sea in Seasalter, Nr Whitstable, North Kent. A glorious time was had by all!

Beach huts near Whitstable

Fishing - they caught a stone and seaweed!

Just had a slap up breakfast at a nearby cafe

Making bead decorations

No, we had not been drinking .... much!

The Interview (part two)

2009-04-14T18:06:00.007+08:00

We've been away for a few days (more about that later) so apologies for the delay in answering the second half of Lisa's questions.

3. Do you have a favourite speech that gives you chills even just reading about it? (I have a dream etc)

Gosh, when I saw that question I quaked a bit. A favourite speech! Am I that deep, intelligent and insightful to have a favourite speech?! Of course I know Martin Luther King Jnr's (the main bits) but I' be hard pressed to think of any others. Oh - I know "Ask not what your country can do for you.....etc" by Kennedy. But does it give me chills? Not really.

And then it came to me. A speech that gives me chills and moves me to tears. It inspires me to do better and to keep going in hard times. It reminds me that there is a bigger purpose to life and that I have a part in it, as we all do. A speech by a faithful servant who found himself out of his ordinary life, fighting to save that life and all he holds dear. It is from The Lord of the Rings - The Two Towers by Samwise Gamgee:

Sam Gamgee: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.
Frodo: What are we holding on to Sam?
Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.

4. Oranges or lemons?

Well that's a much easier one. Lemons, no contest. Lemon cheesecake, lemon pudding, lemon drizzle cake, lemon curd, lemon meringue pie, lemon and garlic marinade on meat - I could go on. I love lemons. When we get to Australia I really would like to grow a lemon tree. The thought of harvesting my own lemons ..... mmmmm!

5. Handwritten letters, or email?

That's quite a tricky one actually. I do like the immediacy of email. The way you can just write a short note, attach a photo, press send, and it's there. It's great for keeping in touch and I have no doubt I'll be using it lots and lots (sending and receiving) when we move. But there is something romantic (with a small r as well as a big R) about writing and receiving a handwritten letter through the post. To spend time constructing a letter feels so nice - you give the recipient attention even though they aren't there. And of course you really are sending a bit of yourself. I still have letters from friends and family that they sent while I was in America about 20 years ago. Just seeing them reminds me of their love for me and their attempts to cheer me up through homesickness. I also still have letters from my (now) husband from 14 years ago, that he sent me while he was away, reminding me of the very beginning of our relationship.
So I guess I'd say letters, there's nothing as exciting as finding a handwritten envelope in amongst the bills and junk mail. But, as someone about to emigrate, I am still very grateful for the invention of email.

Well that concludes my interview. Thanks so much to Lisa for the questions - I really enjoyed thinking about my answers. I will throw the gauntlet down now for anyone reading this - if you'd like to take part in an interview for your blog then let me know via comments and I'll happily think of some questions for you!

The Interview (part one)

2009-04-06T18:03:00.004+08:00

Lisa from the Tin House has sent me some interview questions. I think the point of sending questions is to get the interviewee to think about and post about things they probably wouldn't normally do. If so then Lisa has done a great job because I have been pondering my questions all weekend! I may not get them all answered at once but I will answer them.

1. What situation gives you near-perfect peace?

It is Spring (or a British Summer will do quite nicely), I am outside, in the countryside. Corfe Castle in Dorset, Shepstor on Dartmoor, Wembury Beach in Devon, The New Forest, anywhere there is wide open space. The sun is out, but isn't too hot. There is a soft breeze. There are some people about but not too many and they aren't really anywhere near me. I can feast my eyes on the glorious scenery, pretty much drink it in. My children are able to run about and play, enjoying jumping, hiding, climbing, searching, with freedom. I may have a book, I may chat away with my husband, I may be hiking ,I may just close my eyes and feel the sun on my face.

That is near-perfect peace for me.

2. Top 5 paintings

Oh my gosh, this is a hard one. I'm not sure I have 1 favourite painting, let alone 5! I adore other people's work and can spend ages looking at paintings, enjoying the way they may have used colour or captured a scene. But I don't really remember or take note of the painting. I do have one original painting done by someone in Lyme Regis - a friend of a friend whose name I have forgotten and whose signature is too hard to read. It's of one of my favourite subjects!

Excuse the odd angle - I was trying to avoid the reflection of the flash in the glass.

I also really like a painting called Autumn Dawn by David W Young which I would love to have. It really captures the mood of Dartmoor to me.

Those are the only two specifics I can think of. I tend to prefer watercolour and I tend to like paintings of people and places that mean something to me.

If I suddenly think of 3 more favourite paintings I shall be sure to let you know!

More interview questions later - must get on!

Arty Inspirations

2009-03-31T02:53:00.004+08:00

Thought I'd share a few of the inspirational arty blogs and websites that I've discovered recently (and not so recently). Click on the link to have a look.
Firstly Urban Sketchers - an invitation only blog where super talented artists show their sketches. I love to see the different styles of each person and marvel how they can represent the world with strokes of the pen, pencil and brush.
Then there's Cathy Gatland who sketches life around her and whose style I love. She lives in South Africa.
I came across this chap too - Sanjeev Joshi. His use of colour is fabulous and (unlike me!) he really has control of the paint.
I also love Lynne Chapman who is an illustrator of children's books. She goes to schools doing workshops and chatting to children and is obviously brilliant at it. On the way she sketches people on the train and, as someone who struggles to get proportion of faces correct, I really bow to her skill.
And finally Allan Tazzyman. A member of my family who paints on the Greek island of Crete. He's self taught and exhibits and sells his work to locals and visitors alike.
So thank you all for sharing your work for others to enjoy and for me to be inspired by.

Taking the plunge

2009-03-29T22:43:00.002+08:00

I have put this post off for a while but, with a deep breath, I am going to do it. Without going into lots of details (i.e. specific numbers!) I must lose weight. I am getting fatter and my legs are becoming like tree trunks. Things that should fit me are becoming tight and uncomfortable. I can bury my head in the sand no longer and need to take action.

I thought that by posting my decision to lose weight it would make me accountable. I will tell my blog and any readers how it's going and it would spur me on to keep going for longer than 3 days which is my average will power length. I don't do faddy diets. I want to eat sensibly, stop binging on chocolate, cake and crisps and reduce portion size.

So here goes ..... the number I am aiming for is 28 and so far I am up to ...drum roll please .... 3. So that's 25 to go. I'll bore you all to death by keeping you posted on my progress. Wish me luck and if anyone has any advice I'd be happy to hear it!

Farewell my friends......

Geocaching

2009-03-29T22:27:00.004+08:00

We had such a fun day yesterday, geocaching with our very good friends in the New Forest. Geocaching, for the uninitiated, is a bit like a treasure hunt using the technology of a GPS. It was a brisk day but lovely in the sunshine. We found two and planted our own cache for others to find. We called it Bag End Booty.

Hiding the cache

The area we went to had a lovely river running through it and I loved to see the children jumping, climbing and exploring.

After walking for about 3 hours we made our way home and had tea all together - what a great day - fresh air, fun, friends and laughter.

It's Mothering Sunday

2009-03-23T00:06:00.007+09:00

As my children grow I am ever conscious of aspects of my and my husband's personality and physical make up that we have passed on to our children.

Both of them, for instance, have been 'blessed' with the long neck and short legs that their parents have been living with all their lives. Modelling, I think, will remain an elusive career choice.

I am sad to say that two of my traits have been passed on to my daughter that I wish had stopped with me. The joy of the bushy eyebrow and the propensity to worry about everything. These two collided this weekend - she is worried about her bushy eyebrows, or more accurately her eye-eye-eye brow as she puts it. Yes, if you look closely, there isn't much of a gap between her brows but why is she worrying about it now? I didn't even look in a mirror till I was about 15 and didn't notice the monobrow till approx 21 when I started the agony of plucking. They say children are growing up faster - too true.

So for a few weeks she has been mentioning 'the brow' and I have been assuring her of her beauty (she really is impossibly beautiful) and how no-one could possibly notice and how you always see your own 'imperfections' far more than anyone else does. But then she told me that other girls at school have pointed it out to her and now, of course, I realise that all the mum reassurance in the world will not do a bit of good in the face of that. So I resist the urge to advise her to ask the vile school girls "Who knitted you, woolly head?" (a well tried and tested family method for dealing with unpleasant children) and tell her that we'll head to Boots the Chemist where they hold the solution to this problem.

A small purchase later I apply a tiny wax strip to the bridge of my daughter's nose, pull off quickly and a life time of 'hair management' begins. She is over the moon at her new look which assuages the slight guilt I feel. Should I have left her au naturel? She is not allowed to wear makeup at the school disco even though lots of her friends do. One of her friends, at age 11, shaves her legs!!! I don't want her to become preoccupied with her looks too early. I am trying not to be sad at her (premature, in my opinion) introduction to a woman's world although her obvious relief at having her 'problem' sorted out makes me feel better.

So that's what she gets from me - eyebrows and worrying. From the OH she gets her stunning singing voice, blond hair and an unnatural gift for using gadgets.

And what about me? Did I get my mother's ability to walk in high-heeled shoes, decorate cakes, sew, knit, cook, do woodwork and an innate sense of style? No - she kept that for herself. I got the very small boobs and the inability to go anywhere, even for a short time, without 3 suitcases stuffed full of clothes to cater for every eventuality and weather condition!

Happy Mother's Day!

10 out of 10

2009-03-21T02:53:00.003+09:00

I have just finished reading this and now I feel quite bereft. I don't often read autobiographies, finding them a bit self-indulgent and often extremely dull, but this was quite different. It moved me to tears and had me laughing out loud, it revealed a woman who is creative, loving, intelligent, loved, forgiving and ultimately who I can relate to and whose emotions and thoughts helped me to make sense of my own. I have always enjoyed her humour (mostly - Titanic spoof especially!) and now I admire her immensely as a person. I wish she lived next door, I'd take her round a coffee cake and stop for a cuppa and a big chat.

Feeling pleased

2009-03-21T02:31:00.002+09:00

I painted this from a photo that was taken in Australia over the Christmas holidays. I'm really pleased with it - but don't look too closely! I am really enjoying painting at the moment. I get frustrated with my lack of technique but I'm sure that the more I practise the better I'll get.

Things I love about Britain No. 5

2009-03-14T03:00:00.006+09:00

Red Nose Day

Today is Red Nose Day which is the big fund raising day for Comic Relief, a charity I support whole-heartedly. I know other countries have Comic Relief but it seems so British to me to do silly things to raise money for disadvantaged people.

At school we wore something 'funny for money'. It's very hard trying to teach children who are wearing red afro wigs, pyjamas, red noses, out-size sun glasses, deely boppers and clown outfits! Even harder when you yourself are sporting fetching red hair extensions and a nose with glasses on. I wish we did this more often!

Looking forward to a great night's TV - funny and moving in equal measure.

I have a dream....

2009-03-13T03:59:00.003+09:00

It was SEAL day at school on Tuesday. Social and Emotional Aspects of Learning. In year 6 the theme was dreams, goals and aspirations and to get the children to think about short term, medium term and long term goals to achieve on the way to their ultimate goal. Not sure of the wisdom of asking 11 year olds to think about their future job - seems a bit premature to me.

Anyway, the intro to the whole thing was to read Martin Luther King Jnr's "I have a dream" speech. It went something like this:

Me: Who started a very well known speech with the words "I have a dream."?
[hands up]
Child: Bob Marley?
Me: No
Child: Isaac Newton?
Me: No
Child: The Queen?
Child: Moses?
Child: Tony Blair?
Me: No!
Child: Nelson Mandela?
Me: [starting to lose all hope] Good idea but.....no.
Child: That girl off Mamma Mia?
Me: [Speechless]

I eventually told them. They had never heard of Martin Luther King Jnr nor what he stood for and campaigned for. They listened in total silence as I told them about slavery, segregation, the campaign for racial equality and why the election of Barak Obama was such a landmark for the USA. They were so interested and it made me realise that in our school culture of levels and results and curriculum to be adhered to, there is little opportunity to talk to children about the world and historical (or indeed current) affairs. I'm sure we'll end up with a whole society of people who don't have any 'general' knowledge.

Perhaps I'm being pessimistic. I am nearly 40 after all.

25 random things

2009-03-08T21:03:00.000+09:00

A friend on Facebook recently asked me (and a bunch of other people) to write 25 random things about myself. For your entertainment and information, I recreate it here:

1. My middle name is Jayne
2. I have 6 O levels, no A levels and a BEd (Hons)
3. I hate Jaffa Cakes
4. My children are the things I'm most proud of
5. My favourite dinner is Roast
6. I once danced with Anton Du Beke
7. I hate being this fat
8. I have a tattoo
9. My favourite (almost an obsession) film is Lord of the Rings
10. I am good at archery on the Wii
11. I have very high arches on my feet
12. Tadpoles make me squeamish
13. I suffer from claustrophobia
14. I am frightened about moving to Australia
15. I performed 'It's Oh So Quiet" at a local Stars in their Eyes, and won!
16. I can make chocolate profiteroles from scratch (see No. 7)
17. I have been married for nearly 12 years and am still in love with the man
18. I dream about my books and wake up in tears when I think they've been stolen
19. My favourite chocolate is Cadbury's Fruit 'n' Nut (again, see No. 7)
20. I still can't update my iPod without help
21. I'd really like a dog but the poo puts me off
22. I keep a visual journal
23. I am crocheting a blanket
24. I worry too much, about everything
25. When everyone is out I turn the music up and sing and dance round the kitchen

Please don't hold any of these things against me!

Sunday, Sunday

2009-03-02T02:57:00.005+09:00

Oh how I love this day! Comforting, familiar, cosy. As a child I hated Sunday (probably because I hadn't done my homework!) but as an adult it has become an essential touchstone to the week - a day to refresh, restore and revive.

Elements of Sunday:

Get up without the help of an alarm clock
Special breakfast (croissants, pancakes, pains au chocolate)
Sunday papers
Quiet activities
Walking in the countryside
Roast dinner
Antiques Roadshow and Songs of Praise. We don't watch these TV programmes but I like to have them on because they are so 'Sunday'
Sunday tea (boiled eggs, buns, crumpets, jam, honey)
A wildlife programme (we all enjoy these)
Kids in the bath, brushing wet hair, trimming toenails, bedtime
A costume drama (nobody does it better than the BBC - Cranford was superb)

We don't do all of these things every Sunday, just some. It's enough to set us up for the week ahead.

Monday tomorrow, 6 days till the next Sunday - *sigh*.

Things I love about Britain No. 4

2009-03-01T21:09:00.012+09:00

Spring.

And it really is here. There is that incomparable feeling of joy when you go outside and feel, for the first time in months, the warmth of the sun on your face. I felt that on Friday. There really is nothing like it. To me it is a gift, a promise, a sense of hope. It makes me smile.

An Inspector calls

2009-02-26T00:43:00.003+09:00

Today my maths class was visited by an inspector.

I was surprised because I was told that he wouldn't come to my group. I am temporary (on account of our imminent move) so I suppose it was thought that there's no point in observing a temporary teacher. I was pleased because I go into major panic if anyone comes in to officially observe my lessons. I can be happily going about my teaching, perfectly capable, perfectly lucid, perfectly knowledgeable and in control. The minute I am observed I turn into a gibbering wreck and question everything that comes out of my mouth. I can't explain the simplest concept and start sweating profusely. Then I make the whole thing much worse by making nervous jokes to dispel the tension. The children look at me as if I've gone mad and I want the floor to swallow me!

But.....this time.....he came, I gulped, he saw my group and watched me teach. They were doing a really good activity (for very low ability maths). It was practical and they were enthusiastic. He asked a child what they were doing and, thank goodness, it was my one child that has a bit of brain (sorry, un-PC). She answered clearly and made me look good. I was sat on the floor surrounded by children, 3D shapes and hoops (don't ask) and remained calm and unsweaty throughout. He left. The head complemented me. Job done.

I suppose it was because I didn't know he was coming and I didn't have time to work myself into a frenzy. Also, being temporary, I don't feel the pressure quite the same.

Whatever the reason, I'm glad it happened because I feel pretty good about myself right now.

Things I love about Britain No. 3

2009-02-22T17:59:00.003+09:00

The Robin

It's cute, it's friendly and it reminds me of Christmas.

I know it's aggressive and territorial with other robins but it never fails to lift my spirits to see this visitor to my garden.

Crikey!

2009-02-22T17:34:00.002+09:00

Okay - we have accepted an offer on our house! 'They' are buying it.

9 months after we put it on the market we have finally sold it. Of course, it might fall through. The dreaded survey is still to come. We may have damp rot, dry rot, subsidence, cracked rafters, woodworm, rats and weevils for all I know but hopefully not. Hopefully it's the beginning of the end of our emigration plan.

After the end of the end of the plan comes the beginning of the beginning of the actual move which ends when we have our own home the other side of the world.

And then after that comes the beginning of the beginning of trying to feel 'at home' which ends when I don't cry every time I see a robin, an oak tree, the Queen, a union jack, oxo cubes, a traffic jam or a hoodie.

Wish me luck!

Hello!

2009-02-20T23:31:00.002+09:00

Just wanted to say a quick "hello" to Trish, Joh, Pam and Farah who follow my blog. I'm thrilled and slightly intimidated by the fact that people actually want to read what I write.......

Of course "hello" to Barkers too - he's the other half! And to my mum who assures me she reads it. xxx

Pride before fall situation

2009-02-20T23:08:00.003+09:00

Oh how smug I felt when my cinnamon rolls came out of the oven.

Oh how disappointed I was when the Lemon Pudding I'd made for dinner with a guest came out very brown (black, if we're being picky) and rather than the lovely lemon sauce that was supposed to be underneath the sponge, all warm, runny and citrusy, there was rubberised lemon goo. So, so, so disappointed. My darling husband tried his best and even had seconds (surely the mark of true love), but I knew that it was an unmitigated disaster. Next time I shall listen to that small voice that says "Gosh, 45-50 minutes seems like a long time to cook this", and put it in for less time.

I may even do the whole pudding again tonight, just to prove to myself that I can.

To perk myself up - here are mug, bowl and plate that I bought on sale (£3.50!) after Valentine's Day - aren't they fab!

Smug

2009-02-19T18:53:00.006+09:00

I made these yesterday.

Inspired by Pioneer Woman's Cinnamon Rolls but slightly frightened by her enormous quantities (of ingredients!) I combined that recipe with one from this site and voila! This is the first time that I've made anything with yeast that actually rose and looked like it does in the picture.

We ate loads yesterday and then I warmed two in the microwave and had them for breakfast this morning - yummy!

Waiting.....

2009-02-19T18:42:00.004+09:00

We are in Half Term. This means a week off school - yay!

We are, at present, waiting for an offer on our house. 'They' came to see it on Saturday, and then a second viewing Sunday and were really keen. Reeeally keen - which was quite strange as I always thought you should keep your cards close to your chest, so to speak, when it comes to house buying. Anyway, we hoped we'd get an offer on Monday, but 'they' were talking to their financial advisor. Then we thought maybe on Tuesday but now 'they' are doing their sums and will be back to us on Friday. So this week off school has felt very heavy with expectation - we have been waiting all week. I can't believe anyone will buy our house because it's been so long and we've been so unlucky, which is irrational I know but I need to protect my fragile emotions with pessimism. But always there is a tiny ember of hope.......we shall see.

(NB Any housebuyer/viewer will be known as 'they' - impersonal and objectifying)

Things I love about Britain No. 2

2009-02-17T01:01:00.004+09:00

Dartmoor.

I grew up in Plymouth. Dartmoor was where we went on a Sunday afternoon to walk. It's wild, untamed, stark, brooding, empty,granite, windswept and very, very beautiful. I love it.

Here's a great photo, not one of mine, of Sheepstor which is an area I particularly love.

All you need is love

2009-02-14T17:32:00.003+09:00

It's Valentine's Day. A day for celebrating love. As a child/teenager I dreaded it because I was one of those that never got a card (secret ones from mum don't count!) and yet I always, always hoped.
Now, of course, all my days are filled with declarations of love from and to my husband and children and I know that I am so lucky. I wish I could have told teenage me that this would happen - it would have saved a lot of heartache and disappointment.

I made 'cards' for my lot. Actually they are heart pockets and I got the idea from maya*made. I was going to put sweets in them but forgot to get any in time. In the end I wrote love notes for them all and tucked them inside which was much nicer than sweets. I think they were touched.

I'm happy that I'm still creating and, yes, it does make me feel happier and more fulfilled.

Granny squares-a-go-go

2009-02-12T03:34:00.003+09:00

Here's how my crocheting is coming on.

I'm becoming quite speedy and can now crochet a square of five rows/circuits in less than an hour. Quite a long way to go before I've enough squares to make a blanket.

Mum versus teacher

2009-02-12T02:47:00.007+09:00

It's a funny old thing being a teacher in the same school that your own children attend. It's even funnier when you teach them for some lessons.

Good points

*I know what is going on even if my children forget to give me letters/information.
*I can usually find lost homework sheets and obtain them by stealth so my children don't have to go to their teachers and confess they've lost the one they were given.
*I see them everyday, which is lovely and I can 'spy' on them in the playground and see them in a situation not many parents get to. They've never let me down. I wouldn't like to see them in the playground bullying or behaving badly! (I'll point out that I don't actually spy on them, just occasionally have a little peep!)
*I can plead their case if things have not been done on time.
*I always get convenient appointments for parent/teacher interviews.
*I always know 'the method' for maths.
*I can ruffle their hair when I pass them in corridors. They like this at the moment, they are not embarassed yet.

Bad points

*I hate having children home for tea and for sleepovers. It's like being back at work.
*It can be awkward talking to parents of their friends, especially if they moan about teachers or another aspect of school.
*I sometimes step in for them if they've not done homework etc. It's good that they don't get punished but bad because they're not taking responibility for their actions (or lack of action).
*When I get home all I want to do is hear silence, not children bickering or whining. My fuse is shorter than it should be.
*Living in catchment means that lots of the children in my school know where I live. Has never been a problem up to now but you never know.

For me, the good points outweigh the bad points. I love, love, love seeing them every day and I make a point to seek their faces in the crowd during assembly. They seem to cope really well but I wonder what they would write if they noted good and bad points about having their mum teach at their school.......

Things I love about Britain No. 1

2009-02-07T23:00:00.003+09:00

I've decided to post British things that I particularly love. It's easy to focus on the bad weather at the moment and people are constantly saying "Bet you can't wait to get to Australia!" to me. Well the truth is that yes, I'm looking forward to finally (when the house sells) starting our Oz adventure, but there are so many things I love about Britain that I feel the need to start cataloging them. So here goes......

Terry Wogan. Yes I know he's actually Irish but I love his morning radio programme, his self-depreciating wit and his wry observations. Thank goodness for being able to listen to the radio over the internet here.

A bonus day

2009-02-06T01:52:00.005+09:00

Can there be anything nicer than being given an unexpected day off work? At the moment I can't think of anything that could have given our family the joyful boost that a 'snow day' on Monday did. So rare is a decent carpet of snow in the south that everything ground to a halt and it was deemed too risky for teachers and pupils to attempt the journey to school. We live within a 5 minute walk from school and so could easily have made it in but that seemed only to give us the impression that we'd been given an even bigger gift.

We made the most of our family day. We ate cake, had a snowball fight, made a snow penguin, enjoyed a roast chicken dinner together and watched Prince Caspian by the log fire. It really seemed as if it was Christmas Day.

As the children get older I savour these days when they are happy and able to spend a day with us. I am becoming ever more aware of the passing of time and the fast track into 'teenagedom' which, although I am looking forward to seeing them blossom into adults, I slightly dread as it will mean the end of an era that I have loved.

I did it!

2009-02-02T20:26:00.005+09:00

I've been creative over the last couple of days and here's the evidence!

My visual journal entries for the weekend.

Bernard the snow penguin

Coffee cake and fruit loaf, baked for Sunday tea.

I used to be creative....

2009-01-31T21:01:00.004+09:00

I used to make lots of things. And people used to buy them. Here's a few photos.

I'd like to get back into sewing as I love the feel and look of fabric and embroidery with a country style. These are nearly all bible based as I was catering for a particular customer base.

An evening out

2009-01-31T20:32:00.002+09:00

Last night, my other half an I went on a rare night out. We went to see a local singer/songwriter called Joe Brooks. Although my claustrophobia, caused by being squashed into a venue built for about 200 and containing about 400 (mostly) 20ish year olds, threatened to ruin my night, I really enjoyed this young lad's music. Moreover, he came across as not only talented, but a nice chap too. I was glad that we'd made the effort and I wonder if, in years to come, I'll be telling everyone that I saw the now very famous Joe Brooks when he was just starting out. You can hear some of his songs on his Myspace page here.

Signposts

2009-01-31T19:29:00.004+09:00

I realised this week that my list of blogs that I follow is a signpost for me. A great big obvious signpost that, although I have noticed it, I hadn't taken steps to follow.

What I mean is that pretty much every blog I enjoy is about creating. Creating delicious food, growing fruit and veg, creating a life that is simpler and more sustainable, creating delightful crafts to please the eye and warm the heart. I enjoy these blogs and yet I don't follow the obvious signpost which is to have a go myself. I know I want to, I know I can and I know I should but I don't. The question is ..Why?

Of course the age old answer for me is tiredness. But I'm tired of being tired. I love to create, I enjoy cooking, I used to sew, I have a visual journal. I know that when I create I feel good about life and about myself. I must not allow my job and my busy days to encroach on my evenings and weekends. My 'not school time' is my life and not the other way around. I am not living at the moment, I am working and watching TV and going to bed. No wonder I feel stressed and low.

I know that another reason I don't create enough to satisfy my soul is TV. Why do I sit and watch rubbish in a catatonic heap night after night?

I am going to pledge now, as a late New Year's Resolution, no not that.....as a New Life Resolution, to create at least one thing a week. It may be a picture, photo, meal, cake, sewing, craft, activity with the children, idea, gardening but I will not allow myself to turn into a person that allows their work to engulf their life and who I do not like or admire. I like and admire my favourite bloggers and so I will follow the signpost pointing me to the way I need to go.

The weekend comes at last!

2009-01-24T19:57:00.007+09:00

My brain has slowly turned more into mush with each passing day this week. Back to full time teaching, each day brings more paperwork, more planning, more marking, more meetings, more assessing, more displays to put up, more resources to make and of course the growing knowledge that whatever I do with my little groups, it'll never be quite enough.

I take the very bottom ability groups for maths and english and it breaks my heart to be teaching these 11 year olds that are so far behind. To an extent they are given up on as they have had every intervention possible for four years and they still have made little measurable progress. I am a firm believer that measurable progress is not the be all and end all and, in fact, they have all increased in confidence and social skills a great deal. They have also been cared for and on occasion washed and had their head lice sorted out. BUT...The government doesn't consider these things when it conducts OFSTED inspections or publishes league tables or awards SATS levels and so my little gang, who won't be entered for the tests, are not priority.

But I haven't given up on them and I'm determined that they achieve success of some kind and so that is taking up lots of brain space at the moment. I almost dream about them.....which really isn't good!

This week 4 members of my family have told me not to get myself in a state about my job. They worry that I take it soooo seriously and take things too much to heart. It's true - I'm so determined to do a good job and feel that it's never good enough which stresses me out. I'm trying hard to take their advice and so I didn't bring work home with me (not much work anyway!).

This weekend I plan to......do some baking for Sunday teatime, draw in my visual journal, enjoy having my brother to stay, watch a childhood favourite film - The Court Jester starring Danny Kaye, go for a walk and breathe fresh air, sit by our woodburner and feel cosy.

Well, here goes......

2009-01-18T20:39:00.009+09:00

Having contemplated doing this for a few months now and having fiddled about with the layout, it is now time to start posting.

But what to post? In the still of the night I am inspired to write all sorts of original and intelligent things but now, in the cold light of day those ideas seem to have deserted me and I feel a bit of an empty head!

Why am I doing this? I suppose I am hoping that by writing down bits of my life and thoughts and happenings I will make more sense of my life. I'm hoping that I'll begin to see a pattern, a plan. By communicating with others I'll see that I'm not so odd, I'm not out of sync with the rest of womankind. I want to feel normal, or if not normal, then happily abnormal. That's the key I think - confidence. I want to be confident to be me. How will writing a blog achieve this? No idea, but I just feel that it is a good thing to do, for me, at the moment.

I'm not going to promise to write every day or even every week because, I fear, I will fail and then feel like a failure. Another thing started and not finished (like the garden design course). So I'll post when the muse inspires and see how I go.

For now...

Alex

(The photo, by the way, is just one I like. It's not symbolic of anything. Certainly not symbolic of how I feel I look after Christmas. Definitely not.)